10 Myths About Promoters

10 Myths About Promoters

10. Promoters have an unlimited amount of drink tickets and can give you a drink when you ask for it.

9. Promoters can get everyone in for free.

8. Promoters just drink and party all the time.

7. Promoters are the sole party responsible for the entire party.

6. Promoters all secretly hate each other (actually many of us are friends & even party together).

5. Promoters enjoy littering your inbox with tons of emails (they make us do it).

4. Promoters enjoy banning you from a club (no, you do that yourself).

3. Promoters do not sleep (okay sometimes that's true).

2. Promoters are fake to everyone (our job is to be nice, not fake).

1. Promoters cannot be monogamous and therefore they have no souls (we actually are judged by others for not being faithful).

And while some of these myths hold unfortunately true for some, they do not hold true as a stereotype for all.  I'm a PhD student, another promoter friend of mine is a college professor, another is a counselor, another is a lawyer and another is a father of three beautiful children with a wonderful wife. It's not our lives; it's a job and an extension of our lives. And even if it was our lives, it doesn't mean these myths hold true at all. So before you judge us, why don't you get to know us first.

-Chris Ryan

Why Do So Many Men Put Sex Before A Relationship?

Why is it that so many gay men put such a strong emphasis on sex before really getting to know a person?

While it's flattering to have a man have such strong physical desires to be with you in an intimate manner, I'm not sure it's good to put such an emphasis on sex before really getting to know a person. Intimacy is something that takes time to develop, yet we rush ourselves into this stage by trying to bypass other necessary steps like the building of interdependence between each other, the development of trust, the goal of full disclosure, etc. There's no rule book which states that you must NOT have sex before entering into a relationship but is it really the best idea to do something that some of us might value a bit more than others? 

Sex is a primal human desire but if you really feel that you care to get to know someone better you should probably be a bit more conscious of your primal desire and put it to the wayside until you feel they are ready for that type of intimacy within the relationship. Some of us desire a sort of intellectual intercourse rather than a physical one. Sex is great and it's important in a relationship but becoming closer with a potential suitor is more important to me personally.  

Remember that sex is everywhere. You can get it at almost any time of any day. You can devalue it all you want or you can let it devalue you. You can have sex prior to a relationship and probably still have a relationship depending on the synchronicity between the parties involved. You can have sex at any age. You can make the decision to be promiscuous or keep sex more sacred. 

You can't meet an amazing person any day. You can't build trust with a person instantly. You won't go up to a stranger and give them full disclosure. You won't meet a potential lover every day. You won't get to always share those amazing moments with someone you really care about. You won't always get that person that really wants to know who you are inside and out. 

When you do meet that person that wants to ask you questions, learn about you, smile at you, be patient with you, compliment you, give you full disclosure, tell you their secrets but not take your clothes off right away....be happy about it. That's a very rare diamond in the rough. 

-Chris Ryan

Gay Myth Debunked: The Majority Of Gays Are Not...

...Clean :(

When I was growing up I always thought gay people were really clean, neat and organized people. My parents and Will ( from Will And Grace) informed me of this myth at an early age. When I myself discovered I was gay at the tender age of 16 I was extremely happy to know that I would be headed into a social world full of only clean/neat people. I quickly learned though that all my premonitions of gay people were wrong; WHAT!? To my shock and absolute astonishment I've found that the majority of gays are not clean at all, in fact many are outright filthy! Having been in the houses of many gay men (because I'm a building inspector of course) I have seen the horror with my own eyes.

The absolute worst case of uncleanliness

How About We Just Forget Marriage

***Disclaimer: I am not against marriage (& yes this blog will be a bit more serious)***

I refer you to this article written by a psychotherapist before continuing to read: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/intelligent-lust/201201/the-case-against-marriage

Okay so divorce rates for first marriages are at a steady 50%, 60% and higher for second marriages and even worse stats for 3rd marriages and beyond. These are currently the statistics for heterosexual marriages. If we factor in homosexual marriages in a few years I'm sure the rates will go even higher. Is this an unfounded statement? Slightly, yes. Do we stop fighting for marriage equality? Not at all, but we just don't focus as much attention on it.  Marriage has profound psychological effects on a person that have been founded with empirical research dating back to the 1950's.  Many of those effects have actually been damaging to the relationship. The idea & concept of a nuclear family is no longer what it was. Over 40% of children are now born outside of marriage.  What are we doing wrong here? 

Getting Pretty For The Gym 101

Now it may seem odd to some of you that people actually get ready before they go to the gym, but it happens; and it’s alarming that it’s frequency is higher than you think. Is vanity running slowly taking control of your life or are you just too vain?

Let’s run down the checklist of items that will determine just how pretty you must feel for the gym.

Pretty petty vanity at the gym:

1. Did you shower before the gym?

2. Did you put on make-up or do your hair?

3. Just how many push-ups and sit-ups did you do before entering the gym? (Come on, don’t lie)

4. How much body spray and cologne did you put on before leaving the house?

5. Hey! Who’s that? Oh it’s ME looking in the mirror again. Does this sound like you?

6. How many times did you lift up your shirt to check out your ABS with that squinted “I want to f*ck me” look?

7. Oh come on, don’t pretend you didn’t want me to see your ABS. Right?!

8. Did you seriously just fix your hair in the mirror while lifting with one arm? Wow!

9.  Are you comparing yourself to others? No of course not, right!?

10. And finally, did you really just get all pretty to walk into the steam room? I’m seriously going to smack you.

If you answered yes to a majority of these questions then you need to immediately see a psychiatrist. Wait, actually, if you said yes to ANY of them, you do.

Happy lifting!

Have You Been In Love?

What many believe to be the feelings of love are sometimes infatuation, dependency, comfort, security, lust etc. Love is different than all of those. When you love someone it's more than the feelings you feel at first, which for most are considered euphoric. Love takes time to develop and probably doesn't actually become solidified in a relationship until you've past some milestones and overcome some speed bumps. You can never set a time period for love because you never actually know when you've seriously fallen in love with someone until later down the road; that's when you can look back and say "that was the moment" I fell in love.

The last time I loved a person was December of 2006. I remember the feeling as I sat across the table from a person I had been dating for only three months. I remember staring in each others eyes like nothing else in the world mattered at that moment. For the first time ever I had actually felt that someone's happiness mattered more than my own. I couldn't say at that moment it was love, but it felt like it. However, with those feelings came fear. Fear ran through my veins and instead of me being the lover I should have been it pushed me to a darker side that I wasn't able to overcome at the time. I have never stopped thinking about that person since we mutually ended our relationship in April of 2007. And that's why I know I was in love with that person.

So now, have you been in love?

The Best LGBT Moments of 2011 & What To Look Forward To!

I had to re-blog this fantastic blog by David Mixner!

This week begins a series of looking back at 2011 and giving my thoughts on the year in a number of different ways. Today we begin with the LGBT community and what a year it has been for us. The list could go on and on so please feel free to add your recollections of the year in the comment section! Here goes:

The Year's Biggest Victory: "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" officially becomes history.

The Best Speech on LGBT Issues: Secretary Hillary Clinton's Geneva Speech

Best Presidential Order: President Obama's Presidential Memorandum interlocking American Foreign Policy with LGBT human rights.

Best Victory In The States: New York becomes a marriage equality state.

Best Change of Heart: The Justice Department calling for an end to DOMA.

Most Effective Organization: The Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund for an astounding success rate in electing openly LGBT candidates.

Emerging Powerful LGBT Leader: Mayor Annise Parker of Houston

News in 2011 that makes us look forward to 2012: Congresswoman Tammy Baldwin announces she is attempting to become the first openly LGBT person in history elected to United States Senate.

Most Surprising Political News: Congressman Barney Frank announces he is leaving Congress.

Most Effective Straight Allies: Two New Yorkers with Governor Andrew Cuomo directing the successful marriage equality campaign and U.S. Senator Kirsten Gillibrand for staying on top of the effort to repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

Another Historical Appointment: Jeremy Bernard appointed as the first man and first LGBT person as White House Social Secretary. They are still talking in Washington,D.C about his famous Rose Garden Dinner.

Best LGBT YouTube Moment: The Australian marriage equality spot plus the wonderful videos of long term couples getting married in New York!

Requiring the Most Patience: The slow pace of the case to repeal Proposition 8. The California Supreme Court, most likely deliberately, took its time getting a simple opinion back to the Federal Court. Thank God for the Foundation for Equal Rights in keeping everyone's eye on the prize. Thanks again and again Chad Griffin.

The Most Outrageous Villains: The entire field of Republican Presidential candidates who take outrageous positions against LGBT rights while all Americans want are jobs, not hate.

Most Disturbing Trend of the Year: The epidemic of hateful and dangerous legislation sweeping Africa against the LGBT community. Death is now on the table as an option for handling LGBT citizens.

People Who Never Disappoint: Alan Cumming, Judith Light, Rory O'Malley, Gavin Creel, Neil Patrick Harris, Elton John , Ellen DeGeneres, Bruce Cohen, Dustin Lance Black, Cheyenne Jackson and so many others.

Most Fun Unforgettable Moment: Neil Patrick Harris hosting the Tony Awards!

Most Persecuted LGBT American Citizen: Bradley Manning who has been in isolation and without a trial for seventeen months.

Most Unexpected Supporters: The massive amount of Wall Street, Republican and major donor support from conservatives that was organized by Ken Mehlman and Mayor Michael Bloomburg and was a major factor in the passage of marriage equality in New York.

Wow Moment: An openly gay man became the Prime Minister of Belgium for the first time in European history.

The Most Heart Warming Moments: Seeing American LGBT soldiers come out of the closet and marching in Gay Pride Parades, going to events with partners and for the first time being honest with those they serve with in the military. It went flawlessly without a major incident, as the Democrats insisted it would and the Republicans insisted it would not.

The Wait A Minute Moment of the Year: The United States Marines were the most vocal opponents of repeal of DADT and the best implementers of the repeal once it happened.

The Best "About Time" Moment: Witnessing our Transgender brothers and sisters being taken seriously as an issue, the first appointment in Federal Government and becoming more and more visible. It has been inspiring and long overdue.


Five Things To Look Forward To In 2012:

1. Winning the Proposition 8 Case.

2. Senator Tammy Baldwin

3. An active major league gay male jock coming out of the closet.

4. Winning in Maine, Minnesota, Maryland and North Carolina on marriage equality.

5. The Republicans and their hate based approach are defeated at the polls in November

[Blog credit to David Mixner]

Answer & Solution: Is The Economy Affecting My Health?

The simple answer is: YES!

And they why and how aren't that complex either.

The economy is affecting everyone's health to be honest. Times of economic stress put a strain on everyone's bodies. Stress equates to nagging headaches, less productivity at work, insomnia and decreased appetite. Insomnia leads to poor mental performance. Lack of nourishment leads to laziness and poor mental performance as well. Stress starts a vicious cycle that is hard to overcome once it's been started. Stress that's left unchecked can contribute to health problems such as high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity and diabetes.

Now let's say you don't have a job at all. Well, first off, you're in the same boat as hundreds of thousands of Americans right now. Now you have more time so you probably have more opportunities to get to the gym (that is if you can afford one) and you most likely have more time to think about your diet. However, that's not always the case as many sink into a deeper depressive state when they are out of work and we know what happens when we're depressed...

10 Things I Could Do Without!

I often wonder what the world would be like without certain nuisances in them. I also wonder if not having them around would actually be a good thing as we might not appreciate the positive aspects of life. In any case, here's my list of 10 things I could definitely do without!

(These are in no particular order)

10.  Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich (Or maybe just the entire Conservative Republican Party)

Do I really need to say why I could do without them? I think we all know why. 

9.  Almost All INSECTS & SPIDERS

I wouldn't say I have arachnophobia, but if there were varying degrees of fear it would be probably be a 9 out of 10 for spiders. And let's be honest, all other insects are just an annoyance. Who wants mosquitos, cockroaches, beetles, flies, etc?

8. Taxes

Paying no taxes would save us all a lot of money. It would not be beneficial to our government but who wouldn't want a tax free America?

7. Lindsay Lohan, Justin Bieber, Kim Kardashian & Miley Cyrus

I'm sick of these people being in the news and reading their names on the internet nearly 3-4 times daily. We don't need the music of Justin Beiber and Miley Cyrus polluting our airwaves. And we certainly don't need to hear about the re-occurring drama that is the lives of Lindsay Lohan & Kim Kardashian.

6. Cigarettes & Smokers

Why anyone still smokes knowing what is known is beyond me.  I don't really care if you do it in your home, in your backyard or in an area where I'm not present, but try not to pollute others lungs on top of your own. 

5. Inequality

It's frightening that it still is so prevalent in America having had so many blunders with it in the past that we've come to regret. I guess we aren't learning from history? 

4. Cords & Wires

We're not far away from wireless energy transmission (and I can't wait)! Wires/Cords are a huge annoyance of mine! http://web.mit.edu/newsoffice/2006/wireless.html

3. Diseases

Ridding certain diseases forever is also a possibility someday with genetic engineering and the discovery of new cures. We're far away from seeing an end-all, but we can at least expect the end of some soon. 

2.  Global Warming

If this picture doesn't make you sad about global warming, then you're pretty heartless. Global warming is real, it's happening and it's not getting better. 

1. Criminals/War/Terrorism/Pedophiles/Animal Abusers/etc

I lump these all into one because each is equally as disturbing and unwanted as the other. They all make me sad and disturb me. We live in a world with  a lot of positivity but with that comes a very dark side unfortunately. 

What could you do without? Really?

-Chris Ryan

My Climb To Hueblein Tower in Talcott State Park

Today my roommate and I took a pretty steep hike up the mountain in Talcott State Park to Hublein Tower! The photos from our hike are below!

A Clearing Near The Top

Grey Skies & Rain Didn't Stop Us!

Once Atop, There's A Beautiful Landing For Picnics

The Heublein Tower

Glad We Got Up There Okay! (Foolin' Around)

My Roommate & I Pose After A Long, Sweaty Hike

I Scaled This Cliff & Then Valiantly Posed!

For more about this tower and it's history, visit: http://www.friendsofheubleintower.org/

The Gays: We are our own worst enemies sometimes...

For a community that is so persistent about achieving equality, we are consistently proving our inequality amongst each other. And for a community that is so anti-bullying, we are bullying each other.  Our biggest threat is ourselves, we have to change that. 

We are a community that fights everyday for equality. We post references on our Facebooks, Twitter, etc. We tell our friends how horrible inequality is. However, we segregate each other in our own community. Look at the state of "gay" right now.  There's segregation of race in social groups, segregation of race in clubs and an inherint prejudice against certain social classes and races.  I wouldn't write about this if I didn't see it so often these days. I see more inequality against each other than I do with the heterosexual community and the homosexual community.  We are slowly segregating our community and if you haven't noticed it, you're not very observant.

The first step to changing something is recognizing the problem. Once we recognize the problem we have to "want" to change it. There's no overnight fix for this problem.  People have to start recognizing and doing something to change it! If we don't do something to change this problem we're going to have a community in peril.  Write about this, tell your friends, speak up and do something to change it!!!

Gay Bullies

I just dealt with a particurally harsh gay bully that was regularly verbally abusing a friend of mine. If my friend didn't notice it, I certainly did.  And there's nothing more upsetting to me than a bully in general but a bully in our own community verbally harassing and putting down a friend of mine is something I will not stand for.  This pathetic ex-porn star crossed the line with me and my friend. I do not take kindly to bullies. And while I'm compelled to give the name, out of decency I will not.  I will say that if you see a bully in our own community do NOT hesitate to speak up and say something to them.  Bullies are for a lack of better words are extremely insecure and vulnerable people.  They protect themselves by bringing those around them down so that they become more vulnerable than the individual bullying.  It's a rather vicious cycle that sees no end until they can recognize the harm they cause to others. If you see a bully or hear one, SAY SOMETHING!


Please protect your own kind and recognize the faults in our own community. 

-Chris Ryan