While it's flattering to have a man have such strong physical desires to be with you in an intimate manner, I'm not sure it's good to put such an emphasis on sex before really getting to know a person. Intimacy is something that takes time to develop, yet we rush ourselves into this stage by trying to bypass other necessary steps like the building of interdependence between each other, the development of trust, the goal of full disclosure, etc. There's no rule book which states that you must NOT have sex before entering into a relationship but is it really the best idea to do something that some of us might value a bit more than others?
Sex is a primal human desire but if you really feel that you care to get to know someone better you should probably be a bit more conscious of your primal desire and put it to the wayside until you feel they are ready for that type of intimacy within the relationship. Some of us desire a sort of intellectual intercourse rather than a physical one. Sex is great and it's important in a relationship but becoming closer with a potential suitor is more important to me personally.
Remember that sex is everywhere. You can get it at almost any time of any day. You can devalue it all you want or you can let it devalue you. You can have sex prior to a relationship and probably still have a relationship depending on the synchronicity between the parties involved. You can have sex at any age. You can make the decision to be promiscuous or keep sex more sacred.
You can't meet an amazing person any day. You can't build trust with a person instantly. You won't go up to a stranger and give them full disclosure. You won't meet a potential lover every day. You won't get to always share those amazing moments with someone you really care about. You won't always get that person that really wants to know who you are inside and out.
When you do meet that person that wants to ask you questions, learn about you, smile at you, be patient with you, compliment you, give you full disclosure, tell you their secrets but not take your clothes off right away....be happy about it. That's a very rare diamond in the rough.
-Chris Ryan
3 comments:
Great post. I used to find it so frustrating when almost every date seemed to head straight to bed. It's not that I wasn't attracted to some of these guys, and it was flattering they liked me but when you could feel a real connection developing, I often felt it was being snuffed out before it had a chance to go anywhere. Now that I am in a long term relationship with an awesome guy, and we gave each other time to get to know each other, I can see why that dating dynamic so frustrated me. When you really connect with someone, profoundly and deeply the sex is a million times better than an impulse rush to bed. Thanks for articulating it so well!
Thank you for your post Andrew, It's greatly appreciated.
amazing blog. I cried reading this. It hit home for me.
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